Monday, February 14, 2005

the good and the bad

I finally got to see my midwife on Saturday! Yippee! I was beginning to think she was going to tell me we couldn't work together, what with the number of times I've canceled or rescheduled in the past two weeks.

My blood pressure and other preeclamptic symptoms are back to normal- hooray! Weight- at the doctor Tuesday I showed a total gain of 7 lbs, but my home scale is weighing 4 lbs lower than that- even though it weighs Allie the same (36 lbs) that she was at the doctor on the same scale I used. Huh. Well, anyway, everything is good in that department.

Measuring 32 cm @ 31 wks, which is right on, and for one baby :) Baby is positioned funny- really high (not even a tiny bit engaged, actually anti-engaged if that's possible). Heartbeat could be heard not near shoulder as expected, but near feet. Which caused my MW to poke around all over the place and declare that "it only feels like one baby..." and I would have to agree. Head down, which is good, and still posterior. As long as baby doesn't engage while still posterior, I'm not going to worry about it.

Bought a birthing tub...I think I'm going to use it, too! Everyone I know who has used one in labor would never consider any other way, so it's hard for me to even think it won't be great. Now to get my supplies list...then I think we're ready to go (even though I'm not term until Easter, it doesn't hurt to be done early if you're a procrastinator!).

I went out Saturday night with my was a lot of fun. I tend to think we don't have much in common, but we had a good time. I found out she is worried about me giving birth outside a hospital setting, so we talked about that, and I'm hoping she's able to let go of some of her worry. Her births were both pretty traumatic, so I'm sure that's part of what's bothering her. Even though my first birth was difficult and second was an emergency, I wouldn't call either one "traumatic", so I feel really blessed in that regard. I don't know if she'll want to see any of the study results I have access to, or if it would help her feel at peace about things, but I'm trying anyway. I have to have a talk with her daughter, though- apparently, she is very unhappy with our choices, and is feeding mom's fear rather than talking to the responsible party (me). I don't understand it, but this kind of "I'll gripe to my mom rather than talk to the person who I have a problem with, namely my sister-in-law" problem has existed pretty much as long as I've been her sister-in-law. 7.5 years, I guess that is. I'm getting a little tired of it. It's hard to accept someone's smiles and hugs when you know that days before they were on the phone attacking your beliefs and choices. It hurts- I tend to forget she can be like this until it slaps me in the face. I know our parenting crops up in conversation from time to time too, and that is my weak spot- even though I have no idea what she said, the fact that she has criticized me for my parenting choices makes me want to cry. It also makes me hope that her children will be devilspawn, but that's only in weak moments.

I'm not a confrontational person by any measure- I actively avoid confrontation, really- but I hate when people talk behind my back. Enough to get in their face a little. So I'm going to try to play nice and write a short little note about how happy I'd be to answer any questions she has. I want to meet this head-on (easy), but I also want to be diplomatic enough that everyone will still speak to me afterwards (hard). Wish me luck

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