Monday, April 04, 2005

Justice, finally

The blissful period of this pregnancy is officially over. I'm not quite miserable, but I am getting up at least twice a night, have a backache pretty much constantly, heartburn no matter what I eat, exhaustion, etc. etc. So I have taken the giant leap from feeling guilty for having a painless pregnancy to feeling pretty justified in doing some whining.

I had some prelabor/early labor a week and a half ago, and I'd feel pretty sad that nothing more has happened, except I know that baby turned out of OP position that night (finally! yay!). No more backwards baby. No more worrying about back labor. So I'm left with two worries:

1. that I will start labor with "active", hard labor and find it difficult to deal with, rather than building slowly from "latent" labor
2. that I will not be able to control myself in second stage, will overpush, and will need to go to the hospital for sutures ( I mean, how much of a let down would that be, to make it all the way through, and then have to go to the ER for stitches? ugh)

Apparently my parents think I'm giving birth in the hospital. At least, the word "hospital" came up three or four times while we were together Sunday. Now, I'm certain I told them I'm not (months ago), so I'm not sure how to handle this. For now, I'm sticking with assuming they're just misspeaking, and they already know we're planning a homebirth. My reasoning goes like this: either everything goes fine, and we just let them find out after the fact (when there is no longer any reason to worry), or we transport and end up in the hospital anyway, just like they thought we would be. A bit flimsy, maybe, but I'm not up to dealing with my mother right now. She's already been telling anyone who will listen that I need to pick up my kids less and basically make sure they have to wait for their needs to be fulfilled (more or less arbitrarily, I think), so that they will know that I'm "not at their beck and call". Am I overreacting, or is this her roundabout way of saying she thinks they're spoiled? (For the record, I'm not asking you to judge if they are or aren't- I'm not strong enough for that right now, haha- I just want your opinion of my mother's comment.)

If you've emailed me in the past week, and I haven't gotten back to you yet, I apologize. I'm working my way down the list- gmail unforunately lists my mails from newest to oldest, and so if I don't make it through every stinking one, the same few get left at the bottom again...and again...and again.

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