Monday, September 06, 2004


I thought I was over morning sickness already, but it is back with a vengeance. Nothing sounds worth eating, but if I don't eat I get sicker. Yippee. At least I'm not barfing. Although I'm still considering pitching a deal to God where I get to only have morning sickness *half my waking hours in exchange for puking once or twice a day. Sounds fair to me.

Everything makes me cry, which made me apparently look really depressed at church yesterday. Shelly (sp? help!) was really sweet and checked on me. Unfortunately I'm not really good at being honest with people. I want to repay their kindness in asking about me by being right as rain. Screwed up, yes. Then as I cried all the way home, Allie told me and her daddy that I'm not allowed to be sad, which made me sadder. I know she only meant that she wants me to be happy, but it felt like a bad echo of childhood. And like maybe I haven't given her the permission and space she needs to feel things besides happy. I really don't want to pass on emotion-stuffing. So Jeff was very patient with her but explained that it is ok for people to feel however they happen to feel. We ended up going out later Sunday night to get me a hot-water bottle, because I had a splitting headache from end of church on, and it was getting worse. Church gives me a headache! Haha. I don't know why, but 9 out of 10 times leaving church I have one. It might be dehydration, which I am trying to fight faithfully (by drinking half-liters of water at least 5 times a day). It might be stress. It might just be that it's been almost 4 weeks since I was last adjusted- going in Friday. We'll probably be getting haircuts as well. I don't really want to cut Gabe's hair- I kind of want to grow his out. Am I a total freak? He's just such a sweet, affectionate, sensitive boy, a crewcut just doesn't seem right (even though, I'll admit, it does look cute). We'll see.

So Allie wants a baby girl. Jeff wants a baby boy. I don't think I really have a preference, but my gut says this one's another girl (did I already say that?).

I should mention, that I definitely won the husband lottery. Not only did he go out in flash flood conditions to get my hot-water bottle, he decided I needed tiramisu when we were grocery shopping tonight. And he admitted to me when I asked for a bite of his chocolate chip cookie the other night that technically everything he has (even a cookie) is half-mine for the asking. I didn't know that. But you can bet I won't forget it!

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