Dead weight

It feels like the past week has been busy, but I know that's depression talking. I've been busy mostly sitting around, with some online job applications and childcare searching for flavor. Not the 35+ hours a week of "employment-related activities" I'm supposed to put in. I feel like I'm dragging a load of bricks on my back all day long. Everything just takes so much more effort. The only way I get any housework done is if I just sort of close my eyes and start picking stuff up off the floor- then I'm able to just sort of shuffle along with the momentum.

The good news: I found childcare. There's a single mom who lives ten minutes away who is licensed for daycare. Two kids of her own (3.5 yrs and 3 mos), and one other daycare child (6 mos). So when Allie is there during the summer, she'll have a total of seven. To put that in perspective, Kindercare has seven two-year-olds per teacher, and one teacher to fourteen preschoolers. And I feel extra good about the fact that bringing my kids there will allow her to be home with hers, and maybe even quit her weekend job. She has good back-up caregivers, too, so I don't have to worry about her getting sick. That's all happy stuff. Now I just have to wait for the county to authorize payment. Then I can start job hunting in earnest.

I don't like having to put them in daycare. Not because I don't think Erin or even a center like Kindercare can do an adequate job of taking care of the kids. Mostly, I'm just going to desperately miss them. I'm becoming somewhat jealous of their time already. But my other choice is to do in-home childcare myself, and I just don't think I'm suited to it. I've done it on a volunteer basis, and it's definitely very different from simply taking care of my own.

Allie's class for kids whose parents are getting divorced was over the weekend. I'll have to write more on that later. Jeff and I have a co-parenting class next Tuesday. Our date to go over paperwork had to be rescheduled for 4/12. We came in for the appointment on the 27th, but it turned out that I'd misheard, and our appointment was actually the 22nd. Oops.

I am so sick of paperwork and phone calls and appointments I could vomit. Answering the phone is probably the hardest thing for me to do. With very few exceptions, I just want to hide when it rings.

I feel like such a whiner. Things could be way, way worse.