drained

reading: Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov (probably for the next year!)
listening to: R.E.M., eponymous

So after my huge cathartic outburst last night, I'm feeling a little empty. Add that to the fact that for the third night in a row, I have a kid with a fever, and you get a short post. I think, to give some context to my intense negative outpouring, I'm going to make a list of things I am particularly thankful for right now (in no order):

that only one of my kids has been sick at a time this week!
returning to college this fall (still no clue what for!)
that I am a member of a very wonderful church family
many, many wonderful and strong and vulnerable female voices here in blogdom
a fantastic (saintly!) husband, who gives me space when I need it, and always listens without judgement
my oldest, "spirited child", who is like a mirror of my own inner turmoil, and has taught me so much
my little ones, who as they learn to speak are inviting me to fall in love with language all over again
my one good male friend, who is helping me to learn how to love members of the other gender in a way that is healthy (and who forgives my frequent confusion, and tolerates my unholy intensity)
my few good single female friends, who remind me how to have fun (and Sarah- amazing birthday gift. Thank you.)
my tandem-nursing and attachment parenting email loops, without which I wouldn't be as good a mom
much healing that has happened this year
and even the very emotional intensity that drive me nuts...i wouldn't be the same person without it.