Saturday, July 24, 2004

What possible reason?

Well, I've now gone from being on the verge of tears all the way home last night (and since then) to crying in front of my computer  for no reason I can pin down.  I mean, I cry easily, but rarely without a reason.  Even at my most depressed, I at least have a manufactured reason.  This is a little scary.   Thank goodness Allie is playing with her friends in the yard, so I don't have to try to explain.  Whenever she sees me cry, she tries so hard to cheer me up, that I just cry harder.  And I'm afraid she may take my tears personally, like she's done something wrong.  I don't want her to internalize that message the way I adopted the idea that I was to blame for my parents' anger and bickering and abuse.

Oh God, what is this about? 

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